I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
