last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
