She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
