if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
