mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize