i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
