Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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