Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
