i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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