Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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