I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize