I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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