i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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