I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
