I'm jealous of your bromance
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize