Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
