I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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