Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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