We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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