I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
organizing the empties. That sober.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
