I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize