I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
