Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
