piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
