I CAN MOONWALK!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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