I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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