The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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