Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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