i was born a porn star she said
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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