I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
