I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my liver is dry heaving
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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