Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
