the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
