WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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