Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
