Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Randomize
