I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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