Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
