he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize