What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
