she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
