ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
that is very illegal...i love you.
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