just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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