Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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