Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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