So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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