Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
