So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize