Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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