She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
