i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
