Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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