Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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