By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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