Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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