After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
