My first STD was from a foam party
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
