to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
